Gänget på Knöllen ♥ ♥ ♥

I need a little room to breathe

Wish I could find a way to disappear

All these thoughts they make no sense
Nothing seems to go away
Crawling in my skin
Consuming/confusing
This lack of self-control I fear is never ending
Without a sense of confidence and I'm convinced that there's just too much pressure to take

I've felt this way before

So insecure
A constant wave of tension
Now I find myself in question
I wanna run away
Never say goodbye
I wanna know the truth instead of wondering why
No more lies
I wanna shut the door and open up my mind
What do I do to ignore them behind me?
Do I follow my instincts blindly?
Do I hide my pride from these bad dreams?
Do I sit here and try to stand it?
Or do I try to catch them red-handed?
Do I trust some and get fooled by phoniness, or do I trust nobody and live in loneliness?
Because I can't hold on when I'm stretched so thin
I just end up getting hurt again
I ask why, but in my mind I find I can't rely on myself

And I get lost in the nothingness inside of me
Just stuck/ hollow and alone
I wanna let go of the pain I've held so long
I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I'm close to something real

What do I have but negativity

I will never know myself until I do this on my own
And I will never feel anything else, until my wounds are healed
I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I'm somewhere I belong
Wounds so deep they never show they never go away
Like moving pictures in my head for years and years they've played

(If I could change I would take back the pain I would)
(Retrace every wrong move that I made I would)
(If I could stand up and take the blame I would)
(If I could take all the shame to the grave I would)

Sometimes I remember the darkness of my past
Bringing back these memories I wish I didn't have
Sometimes I think of letting go and never looking back

And never moving forward so there'd never be a past

Memories consume
Like opening the wound
I'm picking me apart again
I don't want to be the one the battles always choose
'Cause inside I realize that I'm the one confused
I don't know what's worth fighting for
I don't know how I got this way
I know it's not alright
I try to catch my breath again
I hurt much more
'Cause I'm the one at fault

I'll never fight again

And this is how it ends
I'm breaking the habit
Tonight
I'm my own worst enemy
I'm sick of feeling
Tell me what the fuck is wrong with me
Thought I was focused but I'm scared
I'm not prepared
Put me out of my misery

When did I lose my sense of purpose?

Can I regain what's lost inside?

Why do I feel like I deserve this?